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DD Being Forced to Change her Number, might leave team!

What's on your mind?

by Pitchermom » Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:18 pm

:o What would you do? DD played with this travel organization last year. She is asked to stay with them this year and agrees. Several weeks later, one of the organization's other teams folds (coaching problems). Several players, who have been with the organization for numerous years, get folded into my DD's team (which they needed a couple more players). All is good and well, except, one of the players being folded in has the same uniform number as my DD. We point this out to the coach right away and inform him DD has already expressed concern over this and does not want to change her number. My DD is the first string pitcher on her team. Tonight, at a parent meeting we are told that the player folded into our team, well, her family has been with the organization for years, and though it wasn't spoken of, her parents own a pole barn in which numerous teams on the organization practice, therefore, pretty much, since she doesn't want to change her number, they are going to stand loyal to her and not make her. My daughter is in tears. She has had this number for years herself, and feels she works hard to do what she does and her feelings shouldn't be disregarded just because the other player's parents have more cash. The organization did offer to buy her a pair of sweats and hoodie to sweeten the deal with her new number. I thought that was a pretty nice offer and tried to sway her to think of another really cool number, but that proved futile. I told my daughter that I wouldn't make her pitch under a number she didn't want, but that her only other recourse would be to change teams. She is torn and crying. I don't blame her. And frankly I'm a little put off that she's being asked to begin with. The other young lady plays outfield. My daughter is a good pitcher, 13, throws 55 mph, can throw 6 different pitches, and is known for her accuracy. Part of me wants to tell her that we have money invested in this organization and she should suck it up and choose another number. But hey, I'm just as peeved as she is about how she is being put aside, so I've told her if she wants to change teams, we would not stop her. What would you tell your daughter to do?
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by nitros » Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:30 pm

:cry: Are you really seriously considering leaving a # 1 pitching spot because of a #. I suppose your DD will not be able to throw 6 pitches because her # . Gimme a break--if this is your only concern then you don't realize how good you have it!!! The coach is gonna have to choose one girl and it so happens that the other girl(outfield or not) got the #. Get over it--futhermore I'm guessing your announcement will read:; # 1 pitcher w/6 pitches and lots of accuracy (please ignore this if her # is already taken),for she can't play without her #, is looking for a team that will give her what she wants or we'll leave!!
Grow up and play ball!!!!!
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by Bucket Mom » Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:32 pm

We are in the same situation this year, but a little different scenario. In my opinion, she needs to suck it up. I understand being irritated by it, because I was too, but you need to have your daughter step back and take a look at the big picture. Is a number more important that the bonds she has made with the girls on the team? Will that special number affect the way she pitches? And do you want to be known as the girl that quit over a number? I would guess that the answers to all three are no.

I feel your pain, but there are truly bigger fish to fry.

Best of luck with whatever her decision may be.
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by Pitchermom » Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:56 pm

Wow, I see that a couple of you feel as strongly about it as my daughter and I do, but from the other perspective. I was looking for other opinions to share with my daughter, and I will share yours with her, so thanks for the replies. Obviously, I know, the number has nothing to do with her ability to pitch. In fact I pointed out to her that any other team she tries out for most likely has someone on it with that number. So I'm hearing that you would all tell her to suck it up and swallow her pride? Money talks. I guess in a way that is a life lesson. I just want to make sure that she knows she has choices and doesn't have to go through life folding to money unless she wants to. Choices. Again, thanks for the replies!
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by mozzy » Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:27 pm

"...you need to have your daughter step back and take a look at the big picture"

Being part of a team, indeed, lends itself to situations that result in coping skills and lessons learned. Teenagers (I've got 3 of them right now) need to learn the concept of putting things into perspective & getting over the drama. A year from now your daughter, if she remembers this incident, will end up saying, "Mom, I can't believe I let that bug me so much." Time will heal. I still get the occasional sigh-and-eye-roll when I say this to mine:
"In the grand scheme of things, in the vastness of eternity, is THIS REALLY going to matter 10 minutes from now?" A lesson in overcoming the idea that anyone is the center of the universe.


from mozzy's 14 year old daughter: (just a catcher...)

\tell your daughter to suck it up. sorry, but it's not the end of the world if you have to change numbers. heck, when i joined MY first team, i had to change MY number because another girl had my number and she was from where the team was set up, so she got to keep it. (i was 12) but seriously, does this REALLY matter? is this REALLY gonna make her life miserable? if so, i don't know if your daughter should stay in travel ball, if all she's gonna worry about is whether her number is taken or not. who cares if her number is taken? just play the flippin' game and have fun, number or not :] it would be a nice gesture to be a good sport and tell your team mate that you're cool with it. :]

(p.s. heck, if I got offered sweats and a hoodie to change my number, I would wear Roman numerals, for all i care :mrgreen: )
Last edited by mozzy on Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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by softball_parent » Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:38 pm

Wow if that is the worst thing that happens in her softball life consider yourself very fortunate. Drama/trauma over a number. What until she gets to college and the coach wants to change her pitching style or she is no longer #1. What's she going to do , come home.
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by Pitchermom » Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:32 pm

Ha ha ha I am surprised at how many of you seem to be personally offended by my and my DDs feelings of being upset because she's being told she has to change her number. I shouldn't be though. We didn't mean to offend any of you or to make any catchers feel belittled. Lord knows you can't pitch without a catcher! But, seriously, I don't believe for a second that none of your daughters would think nothing of it. It sounds more like several of you have an issue because she is a "pitcher" who doesn't want to change her number due to someone coming onto the team. She isn't the new person to the team, the other player is. That is what upsets her. And yes, she does put in time above and beyond the other player on the team in practices so she does feel a certain disrespect for being the one being told to change. Note the other player did not want to change her number either, obviously. So exactly how obnoxious can my DD be for having the same feelings? By the way, my daughter wasn't "gifted" with a first string pitching position. She's worked hard and earned it. I have no doubt that if another pitcher comes along and pitches better than her and has an interest in this team, that she would lose her spot in a split second. Heck, she can't even hold onto her number! Loyalty isn't what it used to be. Unless, of course, your daddy owns a pole barn.
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by BigD » Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:53 pm

I understand your DD being upset I would hate to see my DD if she had to give up her number, but the other girl has lost a team. A team within the same organization that as you said in your post she has been with much longer then your DD has been. It sounds like the coaches had a tough choice to make and they made it. Now the choice is yours is the number more important then the team?
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by Brooke's Dad » Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:59 pm

1st of all - i have no idea what a Pole barn is..... that being said - Pitchermom.... I agree with your daughter on this one.

She (your DD) was on the team 1st - her being a Picther means nothing in this ordeal.

It is about right and wrong - she was one the team first - she should have the "right to first refusal" on the number.

I would feel the same way if your DD was a reserve OF'er and the new girl was the strongest Pitcher in the area.




Just one guys $0.02
When asked how many times she hit Tiger with the golf club, she responded, "I'm not sure...put me down for an 8!
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by mozzy » Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:02 pm

I don't think anyone felt 'belittled', I think that the biggest emphasis has been putting the situation into perspective, and turning a negative into a positive. Your daughter will take her cues in how she reacts when faced with a difficult situation from you. It's understandable that moms want to comfort and support their children. The important thing to remind your daughter is that she is part of a team, and though I'm sure that all of her hard work is appreciated, the qualities that most team players and coaches REALLY appreciate are humility, confidence, and mature leadership. As your team's #1 pitcher, she probably is assuming a leadership role for your team, and that means, at times, making compromises in the interest of team harmony. Her team mates, I would think (if your daughter is one of the team veterans) look to her as a role model (think Fernandez here). Just as they look to her to be composed during a tough game, they are probably looking to her, right now, to handle other team issues in stride. A tall order for a 13 year old? Sure, but with your guidance and good example, she can deal with this with grace, and truly earn respect from her team. She stands to gain a lot here if she handles this right.
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