Unsportsmanlike conduct or just plain harrassment

[coolstuff]

This past weekend, we played a team who shall remain anonymous.

One of our players attends the school also attended by the players on that team. Both teams were scheduled to play in the same tournament this past weekend. Once the pool play matchups were sent, we saw that our first poll play game was with this team.

Well, the girl on our team became a target. She was harrassed by the players of the opposing team, and hate mail was left in her locker. This went way beyond friendly trash talk, which I can take. This bordered on being bullied.

During the game, my dear wife prefers to sit in bleachers rather than those folding canvas chairs. Unfortunately, the bleachers were located next to the opposing team's dugout. So she sat with the parents of the opposing team. She likes to cheer for her daughter's team, but she's never over-the-top about it.

One of the parents sitting in front of her turned around and said, "What are YOU doing here?" My wife was calm and answered that she had every right to sit where she wanted and cheer for her daughter's team. She was told by this woman to leave, basically. She stood her ground. (Note here that no other parents from the opposing team entered this discussion.)

Unfortunately, we lost to this team. After the game, one of the other parents on the opposing team sought out my dear wife and said, "We're sorry. We're not all like that. She's the coach's wife and we can't stand her. I didn't hear the whole thing or I would have backed you up."

Honestly, I'm not surprised by this. I've seen it or heard about it happening for years. The only incident that surprised me is when a female rec ball coach duked it out with the mother of one of her own players! I may be naive but I wish these kinds of things never happened. It just ruins it for the players.

[Tucson]

That is awful.

DD's team used to play against their HS shortstop in the Fall. There was never a problem.

The girls act like the adults around them. I can't imagine a mom (and wife of the coach) popping off in the stands. We would have all sat together and joked with each other.

I would tell these adults to get a life.

I have my personal opinion about why women act like that.

[slim00]

Had a similar thing this weekend. We're playing a team that we've played a few timed this spring. We are pretty much evenly matched and have split this spring. The coaches and girls both get along with each other, kind of a mutual respect. But they had one parent in the stands that was really obnoxious during the second game we played them this weekend. He was very quiet the third, think someone talked to him between games. It seems more often than not, the real problem is with the parents.

[FPDD_cabbie]

Just had one in REC Ball recently. This girl decides to take time off from TB (12U) and play REC this spring and of course what comes along with her is her family. She is her REC Ball team's number one pitcher and the Coach's daughter is the number three pitcher. During a scrimmage game the coach has his daughter pitch an inning and she gives up to max allowed runs. While the coach's daughter is pitching the family of the former TB girl is bad mouthing the pitcher and coach. Later this family EMAILS the coach telling him how terrible his daughter is, she lost the game for the team, and she should not be playing softball. The coach gets upset with the comments in the email so he and his daughter leave the league halfway through the REC Ball season. This is REC Ball, where else can someone learning to pitch get actual time in the circle and besides there is a 3 inning pitching limit per pitcher.

Makes me wonder if this former TB girl left to take time off or if she was asked to leave because of her family being obnoxious in the bleachers.

[Martin]

It's the same all over. When I was stationed in Europe several years ago, our base's 12U boys team played a friendly against a team made up of German nationals. Their parents were obnoxious. They heckled us in English to make sure we understood them.

[Blind Squirrel]

Ya know, the passage of time guarantees neither progress nor enlightenment. Since I was a kid 40 years ago, the youth sports infrastructure has obviously improved to an exponential degree. So many more kids playing organized sports. So many more parents involved with their kid's sports instead of being disengaged. During the same period, I suspect one thing hasn't changed, which is my 10% hueristic: On any team, 10% of the parents will be jerks/idiots/insufferable. Since softball teams have more than 10 players, guess what? Hard to find a team without someone who is clueless and without hesitation will embarrass the team with their behavior at games. Understandable, since after all, the most important part of a person's life is when they were playing a game as a child. That justifies their emotional over-investment. The good news is the other side of my little theory. 80% of the parents are just plain decent folks who are good to hang with at tournaments, maybe share a cold one or two at the hotel afterwards. And 10% are characters you wish you had spent more time with and leave you with memories that always make you smile and wishing you could remember more.

Recognize the 10% A-holes for what they are and minimize the time you spend around them or even thinking about them.

My kid just called to be picked up from practice so she has spared you folks from any more of my cosmic pronouncements.

John

[Skarp]

I suspect one thing hasn't changed, which is my 10% hueristic: On any team, 10% of the parents will be jerks/idiots/insufferable. Since softball teams have more than 10 players, guess what? Hard to find a team without someone who is clueless and without hesitation will embarrass the team with their behavior at games.

We don't have anyone like that on our team...although maybe this is akin to the old poker adage: "if you can't spot the sucker at the table within 15 minutes, you're him."

I actually put the number at greater than 10%, but I don't think they are randomly distributed. So some teams are just fine, some have their one or two jerks, and others, well...just count yourself lucky if half the parents (dads and moms) haven't challenged you to a knife-fight by game's end.

[Tucson]

i was trying to watch 2 of my students pitch a 10U rec game Sat. With every batter, a dad in the stands yelled "keep your elbow up."

Then, a batter showed bunt and kept the bat there. She didn't offer. Know it all dad starts yelling that that is a strike. Coach comes out and umpire informs him that it is not a strike.

I need to spend my time at more U of A games.

[Blind Squirrel]

I suspect one thing hasn't changed, which is my 10% hueristic: On any team, 10% of the parents will be jerks/idiots/insufferable. Since softball teams have more than 10 players, guess what? Hard to find a team without someone who is clueless and without hesitation will embarrass the team with their behavior at games.

We don't have anyone like that on our team...although maybe this is akin to the old poker adage: "if you can't spot the sucker at the table within 15 minutes, you're him."

I actually put the number at greater than 10%, but I don't think they are randomly distributed. So some teams are just fine, some have their one or two jerks, and others, well...just count yourself lucky if half the parents (dads and moms) haven't challenged you to a knife-fight by game's end.

Actually, I was in a hurry and misstated my own theory. I meant to say that 10% of the population, not 10% of any given team, are ... Anyway, the number could be higher. Who knows since it is a subjective assessment. I think the only way for there not to be a random distribution is on teams where actions are taken to identify and remove such parents. My experience has been that is not usually a course taken by most coaches, particularly if the kid is an asset to the team. The point is, whether the person is on your team or some other team, your own best interests would seem to be best served by avoiding/ignoring them as much as you can.

Reminds me of last season. We had a classic whining pitcher's Mom on my kid's team last year. One day she happened to sit next to me during the game and I tried to be a normal, polite person in speaking with her. Big mistake. She starting sitting next to me game after game. I decided to move out beyond the fence in center field. She found me. One game, she had to jump a fence to get beyond the CF fence. My DD and the other outfielders saw it during the game, knew I was trying to avoid her, and were busting up. The sad thing was that her kid was obviously affected by Mom's attitude and quit the team. Then some time later, she came out to rejoin the team and the other players shunned her. They all disliked her just like the parents disliked the Mom. The kid quit after the first practice. Parents often pass on their traits and it sucks when it occurs in this 10% group. It fosters, if not ensures perpetuation.

John

[wadeintothem]

I think 10% is about right.. but I've seen situations where coaches, etc have been dead wrong and completely riled up their entire crowd. This weekend I saw one of those situations and the parents started even yelling at the players and the players yelling at the parents. I wasnt paying too much attention to the crowd.. but as I was leaving when the game was over the parents were still going at each other.. and the language was definitely R rated to say the least.. I wouldnt be surprised to hear there had ended up being a fight.

The rule is clear, the coach was wrong, but excited the parents, the other parents got ticked off .... and that was it.

I've had another time in a stadium where the whole stadium went crazy on each other (not soccer like, but still pretty bad).. and again, the offending coach was dead wrong on the rule, but was good enough to convince his side, of course the other side (likely as ignorant of the rules as the other parents, but just on the "winning side" of the argument) gets ticked off.. and thats when the trouble starts.

The 10% is a fine number, I'd go with that normally. There is usually the one big mouthed idiot... but when good crowds go bad, its pretty pathetic.