Softball jokes

[softballdad]

Symptoms of too much softball
1-Your diet consists of sunflower seeds and gatorade
2-When your favorite color is softball yellow
3-When you see the shadow of a bird you yell "Ball Ball Ball"!
4-When you attend the church you have been going to all your life and they ask you to fill out a visitor form.
5-You have a stripe tan on the back of your legs from knee pads.


What is the difference between a softball player and a puppy? A puppy will eventually stop whining!


The devil challenged St.Peter to a softball game. "How can you win, Satan?" asked St.Peter. "All the best players are up here". "How can I lose" answered Satan. "All the umpires are down here".

On the last day of tournament the coach was talking to one of his players. "Look, here is 5 bucks," he said. "Go out and buy a new ball or something....anything that will help us win." The game began and the coach noticed that the same old ball was being used. He called his player over and asked "what did you do with the 5 bucks I gave you?" The player replied, "well, you said anything to help us win so I gave it to the umpire."

[softballdad]

A little girl was trying to raise $100 for her softball team. She prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then she decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the President of the United States. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little girl a $5 bill.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little girl. The little girl was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Love, Sara

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR TEAM WON'T BE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

10. Team's idea of a double play is two songs back-to-back on the radio.

9. The most popular dugout phrase is, "Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up! She's up."

8. Players refuse to slide for fear of ruining their hair and nails.

7. Coach's new exercise video features his walking to the mound after every pitch.

6. Players keep pointing at the bat and saying "Is this some kinda ball-wackin' stick?"

5. You get yelled at by the umps because your team is slow getting on the field, and they are all still at the concession stand.

4. Players always complain because you can't mathematically give 110%.

3. On pop fouls the catcher actually has to come out of the dugout.

2. Your best hitter's nickname is "Slugger" because she's already beat up four girls in the dugout - this inning.

1. The team's chant in the field is "Hey batter, batter, hit it at her!"

[starbound]

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been
> friends all of their lives.
>
> When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited
> her every day. One day Barb said, "Rose, we both
> loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we
> played all through High School. Please do me one
> favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let
> me know if there's women's soft-ball there."
>
> Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said,
> "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If
> it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
> Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
>
> At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened
> from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white
> light and a voice calling out to her, "Barb, Barb."
>
> "Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who
> is it?"
>
> "Barb -- it's me, Rose."
>
> "You're not Rose. Rose is dead."
>
> "I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the
> voice.
>
> "In Heaven," continued Rose. "I have some really
> good news and a little bad news."
>
> "Tell me the good news first," said Barb.
>
> "The good news," Rose said, "is that there's
> Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old
> buddies who died before us are here, too. Better
> than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's
> always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And
> best of all, we can play softball all we want, and
> we never get tired."
>
> "That's fantastic," said Barb. "It's beyond my
> wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
>
> "You're pitching Tuesday."

[softballdad]

In a local match, the umpire was being jeered and heckled unmercifully from the crowd.
At length he walked over to the boundary and sat down next to his chief critic.
" What are you doing?" asked the spectator.
" Well," said the umpire,"it seems you get the best view from here."

A Softball Players View Of Coaches
- There was a group of fellows standing around the batting cages and a softball player walked up and said, "do you want to hear a good joke about softball coaches?" One of the fellows replied, "be careful what you say, all five of us are coaches." "Oh, forget it then," said the player, "I don't want to have to explain the joke five times!"

[artomatic]

I'm just about ready to start throwing virtual tomatoes at you!

ok, how about...all your t-shirts are softball related...the nicer ones (and better fitting) are from the most recent tournaments...actually that one's more of a reality than a joke.

**starbound you stole that one off %!@&mz...

[Tucson]

starbound you stole that one off %!@&mz...

Yeah! and it was mine. There is a writers strike, you know. Amy

[lvtwft]

lol..This is much better then reading 28 pages of(DD Being Forced to Change her Number, might leave team! )

[WildRoseCoach]

A good shirt I saw.

Champions are the ones that Really Want it.....

(then in tiny wording).... but if you suck, it doesn't matter how bad you want it.

[Hawk17]

My new business venture:

Coaches, are you tired of losing that prima dona player in the middle of the season? Had enough of half of your team leaving mid-way through the summer?

Remco Industries introduces: Travel Ball Implosion Protection!

This amazing new product will provide the following for $1200 a year.

1. Commitment Meter: Parents tell you their kid will be there all summer. But, can you really count of them when you need them? Hold this meter up while reading your summer schedule. Look through the lense. Non-committed parents and players will show up with a green glow. Get rid of them now before you start!

2. Extensive Parent Psychological testing: Our trained staff of travel softball psychologists will interview each and every prospective parent. With our help, you can get rid of the whack jobs now BEFORE they screw up your season. ( Special pitcher's parents edition available for an additional fee.)

3. Team Fee Goon Squad: Got parents who won't pay? Our goon squad will happily visit those families and gently persuade them to pay up. Satisfaction guaranteed.

4. Undercover Mother; You think you know what your parents are talking about. But, do you? With our trained Undercover Mother, you can find out what they are saying BEHIND your back.

Our satisfaction is guaranteed. If your team implodes, we will provide you with a replacement team within 48 hours. Why waste another year being angry? Buy Implosion Protection NOW, before your next tryout! Call 1-800- No drama. Operators are standing by.