No heart No conscience be a travelball coach

[fastpitchdad05]

We, as adults, know that Life Isn't Fair. Yes. I agree with that.

But how soon should CHILDREN get that lesson? 6U T-Ball? 8U Rec Ball? 10-U Rec Ball? !0-U Travel Ball? 12-U Travel Ball? 14-U Travel Ball? 16-U Travel Ball? Can't you just see a coach of a T-Ball team telling a kid, "Hey, if you want to play, then just PLAY BETTER, otherwise you'll ride the pine!"

Where do we (as coaches; as parents; as adults) draw that line? Do we destroy the fragile psyche of CHILDREN by telling them, "Oh Well, Life Isn't Fair, Get Used to It now." ??

Hey, I'm no Pollyanna, but I guess I'm just concerned at the laissez-faire attitude about it. We all need to look out for the CHILDREN.

IF a coach sits down and explains to the CHILD and parents the situation, then I am fine with it. But most times that is not the case. Coaches just do it and expect the CHILD and families to just "deal with it". That is not right.

To answer your question I started telling my kids that life wasn't fair around 8 years old. I feel this is possibly the most difficult yet important lesson that a child needs to know so for my family I started early and often.

To sway the odds in your favor don't make excuses, work harder and treat people the way you want to be treated while expecting nothing in return but self dignity and satisfaction. This is your best chance of leading a productive and happy life IMHO.

[Hurricane]

Me, too, FPDad. I agree.

I did it...but I'm the parent...not a stranger (i.e., coach) who doesn't really know my CHILD. So, it is not the same. Sure, I have said "Life Isn't Fair" to my kids all the time when they didn't get their way or when they felt cheated out of something. I did this (like you I assume) so that as the matured into adulthood, they would know how to deal with it...like you said "work harder, don't expect stuff to be just handed to you; earn it"; etc.).

But it's the way it is done that raises the ire of parents. Many parents see it; hear it; but don't say anything....especially if it doesn't happen to YOUR kid -- you'd never speak up to tell the coach that was not the proper way to let a kid down....God forbid, the coach would then be vindictive towards your own kid. Yes, that does happen a lot in TB, too.

[fastpitchdad05]

Me, too, FPDad. I agree.

I did it...but I'm the parent...not a stranger (i.e., coach) who doesn't really know my CHILD. So, it is not the same. Sure, I have said "Life Isn't Fair" to my kids all the time when they didn't get their way or when they felt cheated out of something. I did this (like you I assume) so that as the matured into adulthood, they would know how to deal with it...like you said "work harder, don't expect stuff to be just handed to you; earn it"; etc.).

But it's the way it is done that raises the ire of parents. Many parents see it; hear it; but don't say anything....especially if it doesn't happen to YOUR kid -- you'd never speak up to tell the coach that was not the proper way to let a kid down....God forbid, the coach would then be vindictive towards your own kid. Yes, that does happen a lot in TB, too.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of crappy human beings coaching kids out there for sure. I just want my kids to understand and overcome them and not let themselves be defined by them. Sounds like you want the same.

[Pale Rider]

Yes, life is not fair,
mine just got a large lesson of it...
You just THINK travel ball has some bad things...

just wait till college ball

[Hurricane]

Sorry to hear that, Pale Rider. It's never easy. Even for adults and elders.

My point was that TB is played by CHILDREN....not adults. Unless you're in 18-U or whatever. I'm assuming in college they are 17 or 18, too. To be sure, pre-frontal cortex development vastly matures as a CHILD grows into an adolescent...and more as one emerges as an adult.

Hence my wrath for the butthead coaches with a Napolean-complex. Shame on them shame on TB Hierarchies for not being proactive on this issue....and shame on ALL parents who see it - experience it - and are afraid to call it out for what it is: abuse. These coaches know who they are...and....when/if they read through Chin's thread, I hope they pray to their God for forgiveness and change their wicked ways.

[Pale Rider]

Some folks do need attention to their pre-frontal cortex

As far as your deal, its a damned crying shame that in 12U you really need a lawyer and a signed contract to keep things on the up and up...and that a Coach, who is someone you should be able to trust will break it off in you, smile and walk off
And trust is something very hard to reattain

Just think, at one time even used car salesman had good intentions

[BB2830]

Would like to hear more about what happened there Pale. Think the group might be able to learn from what the unfortunate experience was.

[Pale Rider]

Would like to hear more about what happened there Pale. Think the group might be able to learn from what the unfortunate experience was.

Nope, I'm gonna be a better person than to stir the fecal deposit
And with that said, this a great game but sadly ts turned into an endless cash cow for unscrupulous folks...over a *&^%$ game and its a 'group effort' from bottom to top.
BUT, not all coaches are like that I call several my friends
.
Best advice I can give, if it sounds like a snake oil dealer, it is, count how many times a coach says "I" in a conversation vs 'we', get everything in writing. Do NOT trust them to be honest with your kids, kids are naive, they trust their coaches wholeheartedly, they don't look for snake oil salesman,

[Comin2getcha]

So I read the OP and all the replies and saying yes yes YES to everything. Chin... in my opinion this coach has probably been doing this all along... you didn't see it because it wasn't happening to your kid. This happened to my kid over and over and over again. She was a good player.. not the best but really good. Yet she got passed over, cut and benched because she wasn't the coaches daughter...or the assistant coaches daughter... or the coaches bffs daughter... or the drunk mom with the big boobs daughter... It happens too much and for parents its really hard NOT to believe what the coach tells you because most of us don't know any better.
My advice to EVERYONE is visit many teams.. stay with the team that your daughter is most comfortable with and has the same end goals as you and your family including financial.
If your end goal is college,.,... softball will be the vehicle to get your kid there (along with good grades).... not the other way around .. no school except maybe a Big D1 will give a rats ass what trophies her team won... they care about the player her attitude and the family... Every kid will get looks if THEY put in the work (emails phone calls etc) There are a million schools looking for softball players out there.
The constant rejection gave my daughter thicker skin and the determination to prove everyone wrong. and she did... I can count on 1 hand the number of coaches who TRULY believed in her ability and put their total confidence in her. For those 2 coaches we are GRATEFUL... hopefully everyone can find one of those coaches and stick with them.

Coaches remember it isn't about winning (if it is to you then you are in the wrong business). Don't be blinded by the BBD (bigger better deal) in my experience they don't stick around long... be loyal to those who are loyal to you...

Have a great day everyone!