Pitching Coach found on Megan's Law Database-Ray Ramirez

[DonnieS]

NO - definitely dont know the facts of this incident. As many of the old timers on this board already know, one of my dds was raped 7 years ago by an unknown assailant. She was raped in the church yard behind my back yard fence. It was and still is a nightmare as you can imagine. Mistakes were made - by me - by the police - by my dd. My dd didnt tell me that night because i had always said "It would kill me if something would happen to you." and thats the way she took it - and in her words - once she realized the mf wasnt going to kill her - all she could think about was protecting me. So - by not telling me right away - and not being to able to process the evidence that the police would need to identify the mf, a huge mistake was made. But how does a 14 year old extremely protected girl know how important it is to quickly report this crime - who knew that when I had 'the talk' I needed to add in what she should do if she was ever raped. Especially at her young age. I screwed up by allowing her to quit going to therapy too soon - she needed it more than I could ever imagine - and we are all dealing with the results of what we now know is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. She was obviously traumatized - her boyfriend - she was a freshman in high school - he was as well. She confided in him and to a girlfriend - thank God for them - he told his mom - she - pledged to secrecy - spent the night crying and praying and called me one horrible morning and told me. He was very tore up - his words 'Mr.S, how could anyone want to hurt someone like her' still kills me to remember. The police were very careful and brought in a specialist with this crime to interview her - then they lost the file within the next week - and she had to go back through all of it again. The police told me that thought she was extremely brave and they had no doubts about her truthfulness in the entire matter.

I spent the next several years giving talks to dads of young girls to make them all believe that this can happen in their neighborhood too. We live in a nice middle income neighborhood, with a pool in the backyard and churches on either side of our addition. It can happen – please don’t think it cant. A lot of you have seen my daughter play softball on ESPN – so hopefully this will hit home for you younger people raising these beautiful young athletes.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the most likely suspects. I had planned to figure it out like they do on tv and then kill him. I searched the web for sex offenders, zeroing in on mf who had been released from prison within two months of the assault, mf who had assaulted young girls (13-16) and who had assaulted unknown victims (i.e. don’t include assaults of family members – in south texas that happens a lot I found). I narrowed it down to three people – and made some pretty concrete plans on how to kill him – but a police friend who suspected I was doing what I was, begged me not to let my daughter be hurt twice, once by the rape and again by losing her dad. And for those of you who talk the talk about what you would do, remember this – we were not raised to be criminals – and if something were to happen – the police would figure it out. I still have my daughter, and her four brothers and sisters and I thank God for that. But that MF is still out there and I really don’t know who it is. This is the real world.

[Gone in 2.6]

When it comes to instructors and coaches, the confusing sex offender laws have never really impacted me or my thinking.

I don't leave my kids alone with ANY man and assume ALL of them are capable of shenanigans if left unsupervised.

No matter how well you think you know someone, you don't really know anyone outside your own family (and even then sometimes not).

EVERYONE is suspect and to get to my minor children, they will have to get through me (good luck) since I will be standing right there.

[THE GODFATHER]

WOW!!! That was heavy.
Thanks for sharing. That really struck a nerve. I'm sorry for what happened to your DD.
I'm glad you listened to your friend so you can enjoy your family.

Peace

[McLovin]

Donnie-
Thank you for sharing this tragic part of your family's life. I have always been open about
EVERYTHING with my kids, but for whatever reason, rape and being left ALIVE has never
entered my mind to talk to my kids about. I just had a long discussion with them about what to
do AFTER (God forbid) and let them know they could confide in ANYONE they deem safe.

Thank you again, and you have helped a heybucketeer by posting.

[Fifteen's]

When it comes to instructors and coaches, the confusing sex offender laws have never really impacted me or my thinking.

I don't leave my kids alone with ANY man and assume ALL of them are capable of shenanigans if left unsupervised.

No matter how well you think you know someone, you don't really know anyone outside your own family (and even then sometimes not).

EVERYONE is suspect and to get to my minor children, they will have to get through me (good luck) since I will be standing right there.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Ditto^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It's like with the Colorado, east coast trips, etc., there is no way my DD goes without me or my wife. It is like I stated before in other posts, I know the coaches want them to start getting used to being independent on these trips, but at 15 YO, I don't have it in me to send her off by her self. Or, even be out of sight, really! Any lesson, tourney, etc., has me or my wife right there. Call me "over protective" or "can't cut the umbilical cord". Oh well!!! It is just not worth the risk to me. There will be a time when she is fully independent, but at 15, it ain't now!

[sofbal1234]

WOW is right!!! That post just blew me away, I can't even imagine how horrible of an experience that must have been for you and yours! But thank you for opening my eyes even more to the realities of having daughters and how to go about safeguarding them!!! Thank you!!!

[scout team]

Thank you Donnie for courageoulsy sharing your experience. Very heavy and insightful comments. You are every dad and your DD is every daughter. Your experience could happen to any of us and knowing why you think mistakes were made may, perhaps, help someone else should, God forbid, a similar incident occur. Like you, I have never discussed with my DD what to do if the unthinkable were to happen to her. In hindsight and now aware of your experience, that is probabaly a big mistake. I would rather have my loving DD ALIVE, than mourn her for the rest of my days. I intend to have that talk. Can you recommend the proper way to broach it? You mentioned you had been to therapy, where, I assume, there may have been suggestions of what, when and how things should have been handled differently. I would greatly appreciate your wisdom, as I am sure many others would, as well.

[DonnieS]

Can you recommend the proper way to broach it? You mentioned you had been to therapy, where, I assume, there may have been suggestions of what, when and how things should have been handled differently. I would greatly appreciate your wisdom, as I am sure many others would, as well.

If I were you, the way I would approach with your child, is to tell them, that you had talked with a dad whose kid had been raped - and - like most kids - they watch CSI and Law and Order and they hear the talk about DNA, explain to them that if this were to happen to one of their friends and that friends were to confide in them, to let the friend now how important it is for the police to get that evidence. And that is almost the only way in a crime like the way this one happened - to prove guilt - so not getting the evidence - means that this person would get away. And in this case, the police didnt me show me or tell me everything that was in the file, but from what they learned, that we had been threatened if she told anyone, some of it - she doesnt remember - she told me once that it was like she wasnt there - that she was looking down at this happening.

The mistake with discontinueing the therapy was this - it was tearing me up that my kid was hurt and I wanted to do anything I could to make it better - she told me that the therapist wanted her to keep talking about it - and she said - that kept bringing the nightmare back - and that she just wanted to 'put it away'. I now remember back to friends of mine after vietnam wanting to talk about it - but I had heard that they didnt - so I did not try to get them to talk about it - and the same as with my kid, that talking it out - is what is important to have happen.

[TravelSoftballDad]

Thanks Donnie

[ontheblack]

Donnie,thanks for sharing.

While I have not had your experience as a father, I had a girlfriend who was raped as she was leaving work. Her assailant was never caught either. She was never the same and I was just a naive 20 yr old who didnt know how to help. Since my oldest was 6, I have recurring nightmares that the same thing happens to one of my girls.

I have had this talk with my oldest, and I have made the same comment to her that you did, about how it would kill me if this happened to her. Tomorrow I will have a follow up conversation with her and clarify that.

The fact remains that aside from their grandfather, I dont trust any male when it comes to my girls and I dont get how some can be so cavalier.

I can only say that I dont know what I would do if someone hurt them and I were to catch them.