DD Being Forced to Change her Number, might leave team!

[SSdad]

is it wrong that i didn't have to google "manpon" Maybe it's because I watch Rob & Big on MTV. I almost fell over laughing in the episode where he pulled out the manpon.

[melsdad]

1st of all - i have no idea what a Pole barn is..... that being said - Pitchermom.... I agree with your daughter on this one.

She (your DD) was on the team 1st - her being a Picther means nothing in this ordeal.

It is about right and wrong - she was one the team first - she should have the "right to first refusal" on the number.

I would feel the same way if your DD was a reserve OF'er and the new girl was the strongest Pitcher in the area.




Just one guys $0.02

I agree, just curious......wonder what the other kid would have done if the org. said NO! My dd is in a great orginazation teams range from 12u to 18 gold and when we joined the team we were told what # were available and no # could be duplicated, she didn't get the # she has had for ever but she got over it and now likes her new #. Good luck to ur DD.

[Kat]

From a moms perspective... Our number has been used by every member in our family for years. Racing, basketball, softball, volleyball, football etc.. We are a big racing family and both my boys and my husband carry the number 5. It is an identity thing. With that said when my daughter started playing on a team often she didnt get her number, she was bummed but loved to play more then she loved the number. My daughter is both a pitcher and a catcher (15 yrs ) but in our eyes she is nor more important then any other member on the team and the older she gets the more she will appreciate those players who are just outfielders...outfielders can be a pitchers best friend. She puts in hours of time practicing both for pitching and catching. She will often show up 2 hours before team practice first hour to practice pitching and then stay the next hour to practice catching the other pitchers. Then 2-3 hours of practicing with the team. Take this time to teach her about the important things in life, please don't teach her it's about money. I understand the message she thinks she is receiving but like many have said its not that important in the real scheme of things, rearrange her thinking so its not so personal. It's only important for right now as soon as she accepts this and gets over it it wont be a big problem believe me. She is a teenager and their priorities are often to the extreme to say the least. My understanding is that this other girl has been in the organization longer then yours, to me that is what seniority is about and it's a fact of life. She will start high school soon if she is not already in it and hey those older girls will have their chioce of numbers even if they are not as good of a player as yours, she might as well learn that now so her transition in high school will be easeir. Don't bring the money thing into it, its a matter of seniority plain and simple, keep it that way. My DD has worn 10 when 5 wasnt available, 15, 25 etc. she tries to keep the number having to do with the number 5. Think about it, because of this family willing to let you use their pole building (and yes I know what one is) many benefit from their generosity by having a place to practice and someday it may be your DD. I dont think its a matter of sucking it up its a matter of overcoming obstacles, and isnt that what we want to teach our kids through sports? I know that if my DD never plays ball again she has learned how to overcome adversity and rise above.....that is way more important in life then a number. And I don't know if you following Nascar racing or not but even guys with lots of money and tons of talent have to occasionally change their number...look at Dale Earnhardt Jr.....from 8 to 88, he didn't like it but has moved on and he is super important person in the racing community and very wealthy it didn't help him be able to keep his number.


From my daughters perspective - Play ball!!! Seriously she says she understands as she has been there but she says dont take it personally. She says in time she will get her number back but in the meantime just play ball and have fun.

[Broke Dad]

My daughter is an excellent pitcher who just joined a new team and has had the same number for 4 years. Her number is taken and the coach asked if we wanted him to ask the girl with the number whether she would give it up. Despite the fact that my daughter would have loved to have her number, we wouldn't dream of having someone already on a team even get the slightest bit of pressure to give up her number. It wouldn't be right. So I think your daughter is getting shafted but that being said, it's not worth leaving a #1 pitching position for. Take the high road and pick a differnet number.

[Pitchermom]

Hi guys. DD and I are writing this one together. She wants you to know that she was crying tears of frustration at home (note not sobbing!), and didn't make a hysterical scene anywhere. She is a very composed person. Note I said composed, not emotionless. She likes her number, but it isn't a matter of her keeping that specific number. It is the fact that from her perspective it was humiliating to be told, not asked, that her number was being taken from her and given to someone else without consideration of how she felt about it. To her it was like being pushed aside and told she didn't matter. Nice gesture for the coach to want to give the other girl the opportunity to keep her number, but at another player's expense and that's what didn't sit well.

Part of the problem was the way this was handled. Coach comes up and says "I'm going to make you the same offer I made "OTHER PLAYER" . . ." And he goes on and offers her the pants and hoodie if she will change her number. Point here is that my daughter was NOT offered the same thing the other player was offered. The other player was offered a CHOICE and was allowed to decline. My daughter was given an ultimatum. She was told she had to change her number, but to make up for it they would buy her some pants and a hoodie. My DD points out that they wouldn't have offered her pants and a hoodie if they didn't already know it was wrong. She has always respected this coach, but I'm afraid now their relationship has been damaged. I can point out that she can be the bigger person and cooperate, but I'm not going to make excuses for the coach. What he did was disrespectful to her as a player, by humoring another player at her expense. This wasn't something I needed to point out. It was something she felt and experienced herself.

The coach is supposed to talk to my daughter again at some point. (That was the last thing he said to me before we left.) He has yet to contact us. I think he will wait for our next indoor game. My daughter has bonds with the girls on this team, but she is one of the youngest, and we are from across town so she always feels a bit like an outsider since she doesn't go to school with them all. This little incident makes her feel even less like a valued part of this team and clearly not valued in the organization, and she works waaay to hard to be made to feel like that. She has decided she will change her number and pitch for this year with them because of funds invested, however, she will be actively shopping for a new team for next season as she pitches this summer. I bet it will be one of her best seasons yet, since she will be showcasing what she can and can't do and will want to be remembered by opposing teams, knowing that she will be showing up at their tryouts come fall.

I think I'm going to ask that the new number and team logo be left off those pants and hoodie and just get her name put on there. That way she can get more than one season's use out of them.

[Skarp]

DD and I are writing this one together.

Message to DD:

Despite what your mother has obviously led you to believe, the rest of the world doesn't really care too much about your feelings or what you think is fair. That's a cold, hard fact of life--one that we all have to deal with. Another hard truth more applicable to your current situation is that your organization and team values that other player more than they value you. Those are just facts. The only question you need to answer is how you are going to react to them. Are you going to cry foul and quit every time someone else doesn't give you the recognition and respect you think you deserve, or are you going to redouble your efforts so that next time they do? When making your decision, understand this--crying and quitting only proves them right.

[mozzy]

Kat, I think our daughters would be great friends. 5 was the team #of choice in our family (my son's baseball #, my softball #, and my daughter's, too), too, but when that fell by the wayside, dd has gone with #16. When she joins varsity, she won't wear #16 nor #5, as there are only 15 uniforms, and neither number is there. But she did both pitch and catch for a few years, and as of this year is devoting her time to catching (she struggled with her leg drive when asked to pitch after catching a few innings) I know that there are girls that can do both extremely well, and they are a rare breed--I tip my hat to your daughter.
I do not envy a coaches' job ( I coached one season in rec ball). It sounds like there was a lack of sensitivity in the way he handled this situation (with pitchermom's daughter), but it certainly is not an unusual occurrence in life. I don't know of anyone who handles every interaction with every person flawlessly. People screw up. Deal with it. And if you deal with it with a minimum of fuss, it's to your advantage and growth as a person. Your daughter's relationship with her coach will only STAY damaged if she holds a grudge. Forgiveness and making peace are HUGE life skills. How she handles her conflict with the coach stands to affect the whole team.

[daylightkate]

I concur, whomever is on the team first keeps their number. At least that is how we do it. However, the issue is not the other player it is the organization.

Reg Flag here Pitcher Mom. Lets look at this in another perspective. If the incoming family is hell bent to force an exhisting team player to change their number and the organization bows to this because Daddy owns a "Pole Barn" (I don't know what that is either), then what else will the organization be willing to do to keep this family happy? Politics, politics, politics.

The diplomatic way would be retire the number and neither get it. Not sure I would quit over it though but I would be cautious.

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Holy Crap, I just realized there was 8 pages to this thread.
DemonBoy, you crack me up... Should I call you Red from now on eh?

[Glengary]

Here is what the pros do:

http://clubhousegas.com/archive_player_prog.asp?id=165

[texas_snowman]

I'm not sure where you guys are located, but here in Texas, I know what I'd do if it happened to my DD.......burn that friggin' pole barn to the ground!