Another pervert softball coach

[ontheblack]

MTR is right. A background check only catches those who have already been caught. My issue is that with many of these vultures, the signs of them circling over our kids is there, but they are often ignored. Just like the coaches with the red cup problems that keep getting gigs.

There are some basic rules to be employed that reduce the risks much more than background checks, but its up to the parents to be involved. As a coach, I do not have private one on one conversations off the dirt, and as a parent, the same rule goes for any male coach. Dont like it, fine, but I will call you out and ask why.

Why does your rule only apply to a ' male coach ' ? ...

Female coaches are not a threat to my girls. They both have an affinity for boys.

WOW ... That is a joke, right ? You think that children choose the sex of the person that abuses them ? Does that come from the same line of thinking that raped woman can choose whether or not the rape gets them pregnant ?

ok, probably could have not tried to go after the cheap laugh given the topic, but I suppose we need to clarify a few things here. Most of the abuse we discuss here is not forcible rape, it is seduction, coercion, etc. My daughters are not going to be seduced by a female coach.

The other issue here is that when I said "my rules", I meant 1) what I follow specific to my behavior with kids I coach and 2) specific to my daughters' interaction with coaches.

I am fortunate in that the relationships I have with my girls are such that they are extremely open with me. The oldest frequently says she is overly cursed with a conscience - very few things happen where she doesn't tell me. If I ask, she is forthcoming, so I ask all the time. This has been the case since she was 3, and the bond we have grew stronger as events in our world reshaped what we deem important.

WRT to forcible abuse, when I was 21, my girlfriend was raped. She never overcame the emotional wounds she suffered. When she died a few years ago from brain cancer, her husband said that she was finally at piece. Another high school friend of mine was raped and got pregnant. She put the child up for adoption. I have no tolerance for a$$hats who say stupid things about rape, women asking for it, etc. In my world, rape should be punished by castration, and if something happened to my girls, I would find it very hard to not kill the person if I caught them.

The last part of this rant of mine has to focus on the fact that some kids do in fact cry rape. Every coach has to be prepared for that possibility, and conduct themselves in a defensible manner that would make it less likely for a kid to do that, knowing how unlikely and unbelievable the world would perceive their accusation to be.

I know this topic hits home for others on here. My sincerest apologies if my earlier comment offended anyone.

[GIMNEPIWO]

MTR is right. A background check only catches those who have already been caught. My issue is that with many of these vultures, the signs of them circling over our kids is there, but they are often ignored. Just like the coaches with the red cup problems that keep getting gigs.

There are some basic rules to be employed that reduce the risks much more than background checks, but its up to the parents to be involved. As a coach, I do not have private one on one conversations off the dirt, and as a parent, the same rule goes for any male coach. Dont like it, fine, but I will call you out and ask why.

Why does your rule only apply to a ' male coach ' ? ...

Female coaches are not a threat to my girls. They both have an affinity for boys.

WOW ... That is a joke, right ? You think that children choose the sex of the person that abuses them ? Does that come from the same line of thinking that raped woman can choose whether or not the rape gets them pregnant ?

ok, probably could have not tried to go after the cheap laugh given the topic, but I suppose we need to clarify a few things here. Most of the abuse we discuss here is not forcible rape, it is seduction, coercion, etc. My daughters are not going to be seduced by a female coach.

The other issue here is that when I said "my rules", I meant 1) what I follow specific to my behavior with kids I coach and 2) specific to my daughters' interaction with coaches.

I am fortunate in that the relationships I have with my girls are such that they are extremely open with me. The oldest frequently says she is overly cursed with a conscience - very few things happen where she doesn't tell me. If I ask, she is forthcoming, so I ask all the time. This has been the case since she was 3, and the bond we have grew stronger as events in our world reshaped what we deem important.

WRT to forcible abuse, when I was 21, my girlfriend was raped. She never overcame the emotional wounds she suffered. When she died a few years ago from brain cancer, her husband said that she was finally at piece. Another high school friend of mine was raped and got pregnant. She put the child up for adoption. I have no tolerance for a$$hats who say stupid things about rape, women asking for it, etc. In my world, rape should be punished by castration, and if something happened to my girls, I would find it very hard to not kill the person if I caught them.

The last part of this rant of mine has to focus on the fact that some kids do in fact cry rape. Every coach has to be prepared for that possibility, and conduct themselves in a defensible manner that would make it less likely for a kid to do that, knowing how unlikely and unbelievable the world would perceive their accusation to be.

I know this topic hits home for others on here. My sincerest apologies if my earlier comment offended anyone.

I thought your comment was a little out there, so glad there was a little tongue in cheeking in it ... And like you, I was roaming a little off the OP in that abuse by an adult coach can also be verbal and physical as well as perverted and sexual ... One DD suffered verbal abuse from a female coach, another two suffered verbal abuse from a male coach ...

SPAZSDAD SAID : I would say the female coach is less of an issue just due to the numbers involved along with the fact that, in general, more men are perverted pigs than women.

Well, just like MTR's comments about background checks only preventing scumbags that have already been caught from coaching *... Maybe women are just as perverted as men but get caught less ? ... One things for sure ... A 16 YO boy having sex with a 34 YO woman, has in the past never been as scorned as visa versa ...

* I know a case of a male coach being red flagged for a background check that turned up and incidence of urinating in public ... Stopped at an abandoned filling station and ran behind it to releive himself, cop ticketed him ...

[DonnieS]

Even the sex offender label needs to be checked. A few years ago, some families came to me asking me to get involved in getting a young man run out of our community - he had moved in with his parents who lived about 200 meters from the elementary school. I looked him up and his crime , was when he was 19, he was caught having sex with his 15 year old girl friend, was sent away for a short time and now was back. Sorry - thats not a sex offender - thats a dip shit who should have had his ass kicked by the girls brothers, cousins, whatever. This is not the kind of person we have to be worried about in general.

Here is my advice - don't be stupid - don't let your young daughter be alone with the coach, priest, teacher, whatever. When I was coaching - I was never alone with any of the kids on my team. Unless someone else was with me, no one came in my house, in my car, damn sure not in my hotel room. A friend who has a teacher/coach at a local school had his career ruined by two teen ager who accused him of all kinds of stuff and then some years later, recanted.

Second bit of advice, if you catch someone assaulting a female , stop them, and then kill them. You wont need my advice to do this - but finish the job. If they did it once, they will do it again and you will have saved the next little girl from more hell than you can imagine.

[GIMNEPIWO]

Even the sex offender label needs to be checked. A few years ago, some families came to me asking me to get involved in getting a young man run out of our community - he had moved in with his parents who lived about 200 meters from the elementary school. I looked him up and his crime , was when he was 19, he was caught having sex with his 15 year old girl friend, was sent away for a short time and now was back. Sorry - thats not a sex offender - thats a dip shit who should have had his ass kicked by the girls brothers, cousins, whatever. This is not the kind of person we have to be worried about in general.

Here is my advice - don't be stupid - don't let your young daughter be alone with the coach, priest, teacher, whatever. When I was coaching - I was never alone with any of the kids on my team. Unless someone else was with me, no one came in my house, in my car, damn sure not in my hotel room. A friend who has a teacher/coach at a local school had his career ruined by two teen ager who accused him of all kinds of stuff and then some years later, recanted.

Second bit of advice, if you catch someone assaulting a female , stop them, and then kill them. You wont need my advice to do this - but finish the job. If they did it once, they will do it again and you will have saved the next little girl from more hell than you can imagine.

In VA... I think there is a law saying that the age difference needs to be more than 2 years ... So a 19 YO & a 17 YO would not be a sex offender crime if consensual ... It may even be 3 years ... not sure ... But D - man ... as usual, we agree or come close ...

[Sftbll4ever]

I am fortunate in that the relationships I have with my girls are such that they are extremely open with me. The oldest frequently says she is overly cursed with a conscience - very few things happen where she doesn't tell me. If I ask, she is forthcoming, so I ask all the time. This has been the case since she was 3, and the bond we have grew stronger as events in our world reshaped what we deem important.

Unfortunealty, you can have the deepest of relationships and if a girl is raped, they still MAY not come to you with this. This is something that they can't always bring up as in this society, girls are sometimes still made to feel that they caused it and it is their fault.

Then there is the I will KILL anyone that will hurt my girl, and, in some cases, that will also make it to where a girl will not want to tell their parents.

But, I am so glad so many people on this board have such amazing releationships with their kids!!!

[DonnieS]

I am fortunate in that the relationships I have with my girls are such that they are extremely open with me. The oldest frequently says she is overly cursed with a conscience - very few things happen where she doesn't tell me. If I ask, she is forthcoming, so I ask all the time. This has been the case since she was 3, and the bond we have grew stronger as events in our world reshaped what we deem important.

Unfortunealty, you can have the deepest of relationships and if a girl is raped, they still MAY not come to you with this. This is something that they can't always bring up as in this society, girls are sometimes still made to feel that they caused it and it is their fault.

Then there is the I will KILL anyone that will hurt my girl, and, in some cases, that will also make it to where a girl will not want to tell their parents.

But, I am so glad so many people on this board have such amazing releationships with their kids!!!

Sftbll4ever is very on target. My DD1 was the one who would come back in my office at night and tell me what all happened to her that day and what a great day and how practice went etc. When it happened to her, I didn't find out for days, too long for there to be any usable evidence left - my words to her since she was a little girl were these ... "Sweetheart, it would kill me if anything happened to you." What she told the police was "When I realized he wasn't going to kill me, all I could think of was that my dad cant find out, because it would kill him." Kids do listen to what we say. Its a f/u world where now in addition to the 'talk' we have to do about birds and bees, we also have to tell our daughters want to do in case of rape.