What your daughters don't know about college

[jonriv]

Sam the false claim rate is 5-6%. It does not appear false claims are the issue

[DonnieS]

What Sam is saying is exactly correct. He is not saying that "she deserved it" - what he is saying and I am saying is that is what the police, investigators, juries and judges will believe. For those of you like my wife, who unbelievably still watch and believe "law and order" type shows, the real world is very different. Get on your high horse and tell me what is right and wrong - but that has nothing to do with what is real.

What Sam is saying I think is "Girls - dont be stupid" and I on those extremely rare occasions when my daughters listen, say the same thing. They ignore me because I dont know shit. But dads are the ones who do.

[CoachKari]

I am almost speechless over what I am reading here. I hope that when all of our daughters go off to college, nothing happens to any of them For you dads here who are stating that no does not always mean no or that there are gray areas, if it happens to your daughter there will be no gray and no will have meant no. Again, it is my true hope that all of our daughters dodge any of this in college or in life. Sexual assault and rape are hard to live with. Heybucket is for softball which is played by girls and women. We need to support, protect, and defend the women in our lives, it is our job as parents.

[Hit&Run]

I am almost speechless over what I am reading here. I hope that when all of our daughters go off to college, nothing happens to any of them For you dads here who are stating that no does not always mean no or that there are gray areas, if it happens to your daughter there will be no gray and no will have meant no. Again, it is my true hope that all of our daughters dodge any of this in college or in life. Sexual assault and rape are hard to live with. Heybucket is for softball which is played by girls and women. We need to support, protect, and defend the women in our lives, it is our job as parents.

If it happened to one of their's, they would probably tell their kid "Why would you wear little shorts and a tank top to the party"." they said you had 2 wine coolers", then ground them because it was their fault....
As far as the legal system goes... The guy that hurt my sister never did time. Not for raping my sister. But for statutory rape 10 years ago. I guess by your standards she must've also done something wrong. And yes he is out and probably living amongst one of you. Jury? Law? Brotha isn't it obvious? Girls can't even get schools to report it? That is the issue.

[jonriv]

What Sam is saying is exactly correct. He is not saying that "she deserved it" - what he is saying and I am saying is that is what the police, investigators, juries and judges will believe. For those of you like my wife, who unbelievably still watch and believe "law and order" type shows, the real world is very different. Get on your high horse and tell me what is right and wrong - but that has nothing to do with what is real.

What Sam is saying I think is "Girls - dont be stupid" and I on those extremely rare occasions when my daughters listen, say the same thing. They ignore me because I dont know shit. But dads are the ones who do.

No high horse Donnie, but Sam is not saying what you are. He and others are not warning, but blaming. Sam seems to think half are fake and that flirtatious hussies are the fault here. What the report and others like it are suggesting is that schools are not doing enough to protect their female students. They are far more interested in protecting their reputation, image, and star male athletes . The viewpoint of Sam and others is why there is a problem in the first place. Our job as parents is to use this opportunity to warn and guide out daughters to potential problems and hope they listen

Some warnings and ideas

1) always go as a group, you and your friends need to look out for each other

2) most guys are a-holes. Make it a big group and add alcohol and it gets worse. Be aware

3) avoid situations that can put you in jeopardy

4) be aware of what "message" or "signals" you might be giving out intentionally or not. Be in control of your message

5) you can tell your mother an me anything(please mostly tell mom )

6) although your mother and I may seem old, we've been there done that. Please learn from our experience Things were wild in our time too, we just did not have(luckily) smartphones, Facebook, Twitter etc....


Talk to your daughters. Don't assume they know. Don't take a "not my daughter" attitude. Knowledge is power.

[DonnieS]

What Sam is saying is exactly correct. He is not saying that "she deserved it" - what he is saying and I am saying is that is what the police, investigators, juries and judges will believe. For those of you like my wife, who unbelievably still watch and believe "law and order" type shows, the real world is very different. Get on your high horse and tell me what is right and wrong - but that has nothing to do with what is real.

What Sam is saying I think is "Girls - dont be stupid" and I on those extremely rare occasions when my daughters listen, say the same thing. They ignore me because I dont know shit. But dads are the ones who do.

No high horse Donnie, but Sam is not saying what you are. He and others are not warning, but blaming. Sam seems to think half are fake and that flirtatious hussies are the fault here. What the report and others like it are suggesting is that schools are not doing enough to protect their female students. They are far more interested in protecting their reputation, image, and star male athletes . The viewpoint of Sam and others is why there is a problem in the first place. Our job as parents is to use this opportunity to warn and guide out daughters to potential problems and hope they listen

Some warnings and ideas

1) always go as a group, you and your friends need to look out for each other

2) most guys are a-holes. Make it a big group and add alcohol and it gets worse. Be aware

3) avoid situations that can put you in jeopardy

4) be aware of what "message" or "signals" you might be giving out intentionally or not. Be in control of your message

5) you can tell your mother an me anything(please mostly tell mom )

6) although your mother and I may seem old, we've been there done that. Please learn from our experience Things were wild in our time too, we just did not have(luckily) smartphones, Facebook, Twitter etc....


Talk to your daughters. Don't assume they know. Don't take a "not my daughter" attitude. Knowledge is power.

Well , to be clear, no girl or woman , deserves to be forced, no matter what they are wearing or not wearing for that matters.. And they sure aren't asking to be. And if the opportunity presented itself and I knew for sure, I would not hesitate to kill him. My message and my warning is it could happen anywhere.

[Pale Rider]

Donnie...ever read the book Men are from Mars, women from Venus...yeah me neither...well not completely....
But the opposite sexes dont always think the same...we really dont...
But Men, Dads base our warnings on the fact...That a long time ago...WE WERE BOYS...
...didnt say criminals, but we dont trust boys based on past experiences...

I always throw a young man a 12 gauge buck shot shell...tell him after 1030 they come a lot faster...
And YES MEN have to educate their daughters...
Its not a cut and dried situation,...

[J_O_E]

False calim or not, it's about survival! As much as I hate to admit it, jonbovi is mostly correct...especially the part about most guys being anuses. Boys and girls alike should be taught two rules... nothing good happens after midnight and alcohol (and drugs) can be the gateway to trouble.

That said, I remind mine that they're damn lucky to be living in the modern day USA....especially if you're a female. If you're a doubter, imagine a father knocking on 13 year-old DD's door and saying, "Hi honey! I want to introduce you to your new husband", a 52 year-old dirt bag, the village elder of Kabul, Afghanistan. "Oh and by the way honey, you'll be wifey # 7" !!!

Or not so long ago in the good old USA, it was frowned upon to even think about getting a divorce....even if your sweet hubby was dishing out a daily beating to his darling wife. 50 years ago, your parents would have told DD to suck it up and "support your hard-working husband".

So you see...bad things can happen to good people, but I thank God my daughters live in a society where women (mostly) are treated with the respect they deserve.

[Pale Rider]

my daughters live in a society where women (mostly) are treated with the respect they deserve.

Problem is ...a huge % of the people they interact with...(sadly) especially most of the male athletes are not raised to respect women...damned sad but true....I know, I played HS football with basically animals, who could run a football...and that's about it...Played with one who was 21 when he GRADUATED and had 4 kids...He went to prison 2 weeks after graduation for armed robbery.
Not everybody has the same childhood...regardless of race...Boys are , in most cases, raised to a different standard...and I'm not excusing anyone of anything

Whats the definition of a stud...and what the definition of a whore in HS?
Different standards for sexes...
...Sending an MTV raised young lady, with no clue of how it works in the real world is sorta like when a Poodle runs up wanting to play with a pack of Pit Bulls...they don't play the same...and TBH...I dont see it changing much
I'm not letting anyone or school off on anything...but it is how it is...

[Sam]

JR,

Donnie does know me and he is correct regarding the message I am attempting to convey. What I was stating is factual and girls are being held somewhat accountable for their actions in extreme situations like the "gang bang" described. There are other situations where they are being treated as innocent victims when they certainly had a hand in creating a terrible situation. I watched a girl being interviewd on ESPN this morning talking about being raped by a Univ of Missouri RB. She said they were friends and were talking. That led to heavy petting and the RB wanted to go all the way. She said she would perform oral sex for him, which she did. Then she was apparently surprised when he didn't want to stop there. He began to have sex with her and sh wanted him to stop. He claims he did, she claims he didn't. It was investigated and some minor action was taken against the RB after the season. She could have stopped him at the petting stage but she chose to go further. She contributed greatly to the all edged assault.

Many of you will be surprised at what your little girls have done and they will do. I know I was. We can thank Clinton for devaluing oral sex to a level where girls feel very comfortable performing it because it is no longer considered to be sex.

These young ladies need to be aware of the possible consequences of thei own actions and how they may be perceived if they are indeed attacked.