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Quitting the game I thought she loved

What's on your mind?

by Els489 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 4:20 pm

I have been in a funk since the beginning of the year. I am not sick. I may be a bit depressed. I could be mourning the loss of my father who passed away in December, or worried about finances as my girls get older.

No, that’s not it. I know exactly why I am living in Funk Town. My daughter quit travel softball.

My A student, starting 3rd base, also a catcher, batting 5th in the order every game, week in and week out 12 year old said she didn’t want to play anymore.

My heart sank.

We had multiple, very mature conversations about this and I won’t get into detail about her reasons why, other than it made complete sense and had nothing to do with her teammates, coaches or other parents.

But still. Damn!

I can proudly admit that I wasn’t one of “those” parents who meddled in the coach’s decisions about my daughter or the team. I didn’t need to. I can also proudly admit that I didn’t tell my daughter what to do from the stands. I was, for all intents and purposes, a “perfect” sports parent. When the games were over, we didn’t obsess in the car about what went right or wrong either. We rehashed the day, discussed the good and bad, and within a very short time, the conversations moved away from softball.

Still. Mind blown!

I had no idea she was even thinking about quitting. She was always very happy on the field and had even recently bought a new DeMarini bat for $300 with her own money.

Seven months later and I am still not over it. I am a terrible parent right? This isn’t about me. This is about my daughter finding her way in the world, making mature decisions, and supporting her right to lead her own life.

The fact is, it was about me. From the standpoint that seeing my daughter thrive on the field was like a drug. Practices, batting cages, games. Higher and higher and higher. Especially because she was damn good. I was up before her even on days we had to set the alarm for 4:30am. I had the car packed and ice chest ready to go well before it was time to leave. I had my outfit set to match the colors of her uniform.

And then it was gone.

The hours spent with friends talking about not just softball, but life. Gone in a flash. I was so invested in her sport, I didn’t spend time building my life and doing the things I should have been doing for myself. So now that softball was over, I had to find myself.

I am still looking.

Why would she leave a sport she was so good at? Doesn’t she know that she was on the path to playing college softball?

In hindsight, I look back on the faces of the girls she played with and I only ever saw a few who, in my opinion, had the true passion to spend the kind of time on the field these girls do. This doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy the game or weren’t great players. I just wonder how many other girls feel the way my daughter did, but don’t want to let their parents or coaches down.

There is a lot of pressure and sometimes it seems as if the coaches and parents treat the team and sport as if they were playing themselves. I understand it because I lived it too.

I am proud of my daughter.

I am still working on myself.
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by E Train Dad » Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:56 pm

That was a very honest post, and I am not one of the pro's here.....my DD is committed and a senior however 4 years ago, she threatened to quit SB, she was done! She's 5'10", was a pitcher at the time and has always hit in the 4 spot, to this day....does'nt pitch anymore, She met someone, not me...who convinced her that shoe should follow this path....we were lucky to have this happen at the right time. She is now fully committed and on a top team and happy again, I hope your daughter has the same luck.....if not, it was'nt meant to be! Go with the flow! Very easy for me to say, I get that!
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by Pale Rider » Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:35 am

Simply ask yourself this...
Do you play softball or does your DD play softball?
Its her decision
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by Dugout Dad » Wed Aug 09, 2017 7:57 am

I always made sure softball was a part of my life vs being my life.
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by Els489 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:03 am

Pale Rider wrote:Simply ask yourself this...
Do you play softball or does your DD play softball?
Its her decision


Of course it is. That's my point. Just trying to be honest and shed some light on how we can be affected in a situation like this, especially if we are so invested.
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by Els489 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:06 am

Dugout Dad wrote:I always made sure softball was a part of my life vs being my life.


Absolutely. Not to say I don't have other things going on, but when she quite so suddenly, I was left without a big part of my life as well. Hours and hours spent talking to and hanging out with friends, talking about not just softball but life.

Did your DD quit too? If not, I am not sure you can put yourself in my shoes, whether on not softball was part of your life or not.
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by Pale Rider » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:14 am

Its cool...Know of several on here whose kids days playing are over...Its OK to keep up with it...but there comes a day for everyone the game ends and life reemerges. Mine is still playing, college now and I can say 14-16U were a helluva lot more fun... but I can honestly say if she called and said she's done with ball I would be perfectly OK with it...
Now go back to living your life...know a fellow who has and is probably currently avoiding drowning in rough surf trying to catch a fish and not being eaten by a Bull or Tiger Shark.
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by Blind Squirrel » Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:47 am

Els489 wrote:
Dugout Dad wrote:I always made sure softball was a part of my life vs being my life.


Absolutely. Not to say I don't have other things going on, but when she quite so suddenly, I was left without a big part of my life as well. Hours and hours spent talking to and hanging out with friends, talking about not just softball but life.

Did your DD quit too? If not, I am not sure you can put yourself in my shoes, whether on not softball was part of your life or not.


You'll have to forgive me for not having time right now to adequately address your post, so ...

My kid quit travel softball at the age of 13. She quit to focus on soccer which she was not as good at as softball. My wife and I did nothing to dissuade her, we just supported her in whatever activities she was interested in. After 1 year she decided she would rather play softball so she did. She ended up playing softball through 18s and in college.

Your kid may resume softball like my kid did. You never know.

Your post is one of the most honest, reflective posts I've come across. That is a post deserving of respect.

I wish you and your daughter the very best regardless of what she chooses to do.

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by PDad » Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:59 pm

Here is OP's post shortly after she quit - http://www.heybucket.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=93406.

I suspect the timing of this thread is related to try-out season and her still not wanting to play.

I hope she's making good use of her time and OP shows a lot of interest/pride in it.
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by Dugout Dad » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:21 am

Els489 wrote:
Dugout Dad wrote:I always made sure softball was a part of my life vs being my life.


Absolutely. Not to say I don't have other things going on, but when she quite so suddenly, I was left without a big part of my life as well. Hours and hours spent talking to and hanging out with friends, talking about not just softball but life.

Did your DD quit too? If not, I am not sure you can put yourself in my shoes, whether on not softball was part of your life or not.


So, maybe I came across a bit harsh in my response, sorry for that. So let me answer your question.

At 14, my DD was a two sport athlete, soccer and softball. Right before high school she stopped playing the sport she was really good at, the sport I thought she was exceptional at, and that was soccer. I don't use the word "quit" because it was a choice. I was also involved in her sport through reffing. I really loved watching her play soccer and I enjoyed being a referee, and I did miss it when she moved on. I still kept in touch with some of the club soccer parents and ref friends, but we moved on to her other passion - softball.

We always gave her an "out" on everything she did, our only rule was that she finish the commitment or season, and then reassess her situation.

She continued to perfect her game and eventually earned a softball and academic scholarship to a California D1 university.

The four years flew by, she started most of her games, she had a great college career. It was a sad day when she took the infield for the last time and took her last at bat. They needed to sweep the last series in order to move on to regionals, but they didn't. As a spectator and a fan, I was truly sad, as a Dad, I was proud. So, we moved on to the next thing.

The weekend after her last game, she competed in an entirely different event. For her senior project, she was involved with a different team, her mechanical engineering team. They competed in the College SAE Baja Racing competition in Gorman. Every team member had a certain responsibility like drivetrain, steering, DD was in charge of frame design and welding of the car's frame. They spent most of the year designing and building the racer. Between this, class and softball, she had no life her senior year. She invited us to come out and watch the competition, seeing that we were lost, softballess parents. She said parents were welcome and there was a large spectator section, so we went. We enjoyed meeting other students and parents from a completely different aspect of her life, the nerd side :geek: , we really had a fun weekend and the competition was good. I found it funny that parents were making food and snack runs while the engineers were altering their racers in order to pass inspection and making pit stop repairs, some things don't change.

I mentioned this story because there will be other chapters in her life, many of them. Don't dwell too much on her softball decision because life moves on too quickly.

She has now been at her job for a year, she updates us on her accomplishments, we are still her fans. It never stops.

But I still do wonder about soccer......
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