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Help! My DD quit travel softball.

What's on your mind?

by Els489 » Thu Feb 09, 2017 12:06 am

My DD told me the other day that she does not want to play softball any longer. My heart is broken. Does that make me a bad father? I didn't see it coming either. First she said she wanted to think about it, then she said she is out. This from a kid who was the starting catcher last year as a first year 12U on a team of mostly '03s when she is an '04. This from a kid who was the starting 3rd base and caught about 50% of the games for her current team, hit well and was by all accounts one of the best girls on the roster.

When she told me, I immediately wanted to know why, but she couldn't tell me any specific reason. She liked her coaches, loved her teammates and there was no team drama. The team also did well, winning a good percentage of their games and had plans for Colorado and sights on PGF.

When the dust settled and we could speak without her crying about it, I believe she wanted time to explore other activities and build friendships with friends from school she only had "schooltime" relationships with because they thought she was always busy with softball.

She didn't want to let me down, but she knows I am not the kind of father to push. Softball has always been about her being happy and not about my enjoyment watching her play. I am one of those dads who actually sits in the stands, cheers her and her teammates on and is otherwise pretty quiet. While we discuss the games afterwards, I always learned to keep it to a minimum and tell her how much I love to watch her play.

Have any of you experienced this and did your DDs ever decide to go back?

I am sure it's hard enough being a 12 year old girl, but when you throw softball into the mix and the need to have real relationships outside of it, I get it. I am just very sad. Softball was so much of our lives and now it's gone.

I want to do the right thing and we haven't discussed softball in the week or so since she left the team. She is not interested in rec ball or playing for another team.

I am sure the right thing to do is to wait for her to approach me if that ever happens, but I'd love to hear thoughts from the rest of you.

Thanks!

Heartbroken Softball Dad
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by Sam » Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:07 am

Els489 wrote:My DD told me the other day that she does not want to play softball any longer. My heart is broken. Does that make me a bad father? I didn't see it coming either. First she said she wanted to think about it, then she said she is out. This from a kid who was the starting catcher last year as a first year 12U on a team of mostly '03s when she is an '04. This from a kid who was the starting 3rd base and caught about 50% of the games for her current team, hit well and was by all accounts one of the best girls on the roster.

When she told me, I immediately wanted to know why, but she couldn't tell me any specific reason. She liked her coaches, loved her teammates and there was no team drama. The team also did well, winning a good percentage of their games and had plans for Colorado and sights on PGF.

When the dust settled and we could speak without her crying about it, I believe she wanted time to explore other activities and build friendships with friends from school she only had "schooltime" relationships with because they thought she was always busy with softball.

She didn't want to let me down, but she knows I am not the kind of father to push. Softball has always been about her being happy and not about my enjoyment watching her play. I am one of those dads who actually sits in the stands, cheers her and her teammates on and is otherwise pretty quiet. While we discuss the games afterwards, I always learned to keep it to a minimum and tell her how much I love to watch her play.

Have any of you experienced this and did your DDs ever decide to go back?

I am sure it's hard enough being a 12 year old girl, but when you throw softball into the mix and the need to have real relationships outside of it, I get it. I am just very sad. Softball was so much of our lives and now it's gone.

I want to do the right thing and we haven't discussed softball in the week or so since she left the team. She is not interested in rec ball or playing for another team.

I am sure the right thing to do is to wait for her to approach me if that ever happens, but I'd love to hear thoughts from the rest of you.

Thanks!

Heartbroken Softball Dad



Good for her. Sounds like she was playing pretty much year around and got tired of missing out on a normal kid's life. I wish more kids were like her. It would force these idiotic coaches and parents to let these kids rest and be children for 3-4 months out of the year.

You don't know it now, but her decision will protect her body and shield you from the guilt you could feel from failing to stop her from playing all year and destroying her joints.

Ask her if she wants to play another sport.
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by Pale Rider » Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:52 am

Ol Sam oughta go to work for Hallmark...write inspirational cards :D
AKA "Thread Killer"

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by DonnieS » Thu Feb 09, 2017 10:01 am

Els489 wrote:My DD told me the other day that she does not want to play softball any longer. My heart is broken. Does that make me a bad father? I didn't see it coming either. First she said she wanted to think about it, then she said she is out. This from a kid who was the starting catcher last year as a first year 12U on a team of mostly '03s when she is an '04. This from a kid who was the starting 3rd base and caught about 50% of the games for her current team, hit well and was by all accounts one of the best girls on the roster.

When she told me, I immediately wanted to know why, but she couldn't tell me any specific reason. She liked her coaches, loved her teammates and there was no team drama. The team also did well, winning a good percentage of their games and had plans for Colorado and sights on PGF.

When the dust settled and we could speak without her crying about it, I believe she wanted time to explore other activities and build friendships with friends from school she only had "schooltime" relationships with because they thought she was always busy with softball.

She didn't want to let me down, but she knows I am not the kind of father to push. Softball has always been about her being happy and not about my enjoyment watching her play. I am one of those dads who actually sits in the stands, cheers her and her teammates on and is otherwise pretty quiet. While we discuss the games afterwards, I always learned to keep it to a minimum and tell her how much I love to watch her play.

Have any of you experienced this and did your DDs ever decide to go back?

I am sure it's hard enough being a 12 year old girl, but when you throw softball into the mix and the need to have real relationships outside of it, I get it. I am just very sad. Softball was so much of our lives and now it's gone.

I want to do the right thing and we haven't discussed softball in the week or so since she left the team. She is not interested in rec ball or playing for another team.

I am sure the right thing to do is to wait for her to approach me if that ever happens, but I'd love to hear thoughts from the rest of you.

Thanks!

Heartbroken Softball Dad



I had two kids in softball, the first DD1, did that at 12, we didnt make a big deal about it, just said, pick what you want to do though cause sitting at home aint going to cut it, and she chose basketball. After about a year of basketball nonsense and drama, she came back and played through her second year in college, sat out her sophmore year - came home to help with some family stuff, and then went back and played her junior and senior years and said those were the best years of her life, she was playing with her sister those last two years which added a lot of fun to it. It happens - some never go back, some go back with a freaking vengeance.
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by CAcoach » Thu Feb 09, 2017 10:03 am

Hi Sam,

I feel for you. I had two of my daughters quit softball...one as a Junior in high school and another at the end of 7th grade. Both of my daughters found other activities and sports to keep them busy and both were much happier post softball. My oldest daughter definitely played an extra year of softball because she was afraid to disappoint me but I encouraged her to leave once I understood how unhappy she was. My second daughter felt much more comfortable quitting once she saw that I wasn't going to roll over and die if she didn't keep playing.

The bottom-line from my limited experience of having two daughters quit the sport is work with your daughter to find something else that makes her happy and stay involved with whatever she chooses to do. What worried me most when my daughters quit playing softball was we wouldn't be able to spend as much quality time together. Softball with my daughters was kind of my thing and I loved (and love) hanging out with my kids. I found that my relationships actually improved because both of my daughters were happier and realized that I was going to support their decisions even if it meant sacrificing something I really enjoyed.

At the end of the day, it sounds like your heart is in the right place and your daughter will recognize that and love you for it. I would drop the softball conversation completely and if she brings it up you can discuss it with her.

Best of luck in your journey and spend as much time with your daughter as you can. These next several years will fly by as she gets ready for college.
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by Battle » Fri Feb 10, 2017 4:54 pm

Sam wrote:
Els489 wrote:My DD told me the other day that she does not want to play softball any longer. My heart is broken. Does that make me a bad father? I didn't see it coming either. First she said she wanted to think about it, then she said she is out. This from a kid who was the starting catcher last year as a first year 12U on a team of mostly '03s when she is an '04. This from a kid who was the starting 3rd base and caught about 50% of the games for her current team, hit well and was by all accounts one of the best girls on the roster.

When she told me, I immediately wanted to know why, but she couldn't tell me any specific reason. She liked her coaches, loved her teammates and there was no team drama. The team also did well, winning a good percentage of their games and had plans for Colorado and sights on PGF.

When the dust settled and we could speak without her crying about it, I believe she wanted time to explore other activities and build friendships with friends from school she only had "schooltime" relationships with because they thought she was always busy with softball.

She didn't want to let me down, but she knows I am not the kind of father to push. Softball has always been about her being happy and not about my enjoyment watching her play. I am one of those dads who actually sits in the stands, cheers her and her teammates on and is otherwise pretty quiet. While we discuss the games afterwards, I always learned to keep it to a minimum and tell her how much I love to watch her play.

Have any of you experienced this and did your DDs ever decide to go back?

I am sure it's hard enough being a 12 year old girl, but when you throw softball into the mix and the need to have real relationships outside of it, I get it. I am just very sad. Softball was so much of our lives and now it's gone.

I want to do the right thing and we haven't discussed softball in the week or so since she left the team. She is not interested in rec ball or playing for another team.

I am sure the right thing to do is to wait for her to approach me if that ever happens, but I'd love to hear thoughts from the rest of you.

Thanks!

Heartbroken Softball Dad



Good for her. Sounds like she was playing pretty much year around and got tired of missing out on a normal kid's life. I wish more kids were like her. It would force these idiotic coaches and parents to let these kids rest and be children for 3-4 months out of the year.

You don't know it now, but her decision will protect her body and shield you from the guilt you could feel from failing to stop her from playing all year and destroying her joints.

Ask her if she wants to play another sport.

You gave very little (if any) credit to the parents for listening to their kid. Do you just sit around thinking of ways to piss people off? It's obvious this dad is having a hard time with this but still LISTENS TO HIS KID.
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by Chin Music » Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:30 pm

Sam listen to anyone?
He's a legend in his own mind.
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by GIMNEPIWO » Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:48 am

Els489 wrote:My DD told me the other day that she does not want to play softball any longer. My heart is broken. Does that make me a bad father? I didn't see it coming either. First she said she wanted to think about it, then she said she is out. This from a kid who was the starting catcher last year as a first year 12U on a team of mostly '03s when she is an '04. This from a kid who was the starting 3rd base and caught about 50% of the games for her current team, hit well and was by all accounts one of the best girls on the roster.

When she told me, I immediately wanted to know why, but she couldn't tell me any specific reason. She liked her coaches, loved her teammates and there was no team drama. The team also did well, winning a good percentage of their games and had plans for Colorado and sights on PGF.

When the dust settled and we could speak without her crying about it, I believe she wanted time to explore other activities and build friendships with friends from school she only had "schooltime" relationships with because they thought she was always busy with softball.

She didn't want to let me down, but she knows I am not the kind of father to push. Softball has always been about her being happy and not about my enjoyment watching her play. I am one of those dads who actually sits in the stands, cheers her and her teammates on and is otherwise pretty quiet. While we discuss the games afterwards, I always learned to keep it to a minimum and tell her how much I love to watch her play.

Have any of you experienced this and did your DDs ever decide to go back?

I am sure it's hard enough being a 12 year old girl, but when you throw softball into the mix and the need to have real relationships outside of it, I get it. I am just very sad. Softball was so much of our lives and now it's gone.

I want to do the right thing and we haven't discussed softball in the week or so since she left the team. She is not interested in rec ball or playing for another team.

I am sure the right thing to do is to wait for her to approach me if that ever happens, but I'd love to hear thoughts from the rest of you.

Thanks!

Heartbroken Softball Dad


Bad Father ? Not from what you write here in my opinion; quite the contrary. Speaking as a guy who has raised 5 DD's.

12 ? 13 years old ? The family joke is that for their 5th birthday all of my DD's got a card from me that read "Daddy loves you, you have 13 years to find a place to live"... In hindsight, the card should have read "Daddy loves you, you have 8 years to find a place to live and you can come back in 13" ... Because for the next few years your DD's head is going to be spinning like a lawn sprinkler as she vomits pea soup on your life ... Know that she loves you just as much, if not more than ever as she burst into tears and storms to her room because you said "good morning sweet heart" or asked "how was your day honey?"

My 2 oldest and the middle child (and to a lesser extent the youngest 2) were into music .. So, we had a family band and went around camping and competing for years ... Great times and memories ... But when the oldest went off to college, the middle DD got more into softball and the 2 youngest followed her footsteps ... There went the family band and camping but we have great memories from the softball years as well ... The bottom line is that all we are is the curbing that keeps their wheels on the road, we can't drive for them.

She may come back to travel ball after a break or may decide to play HS Ball with those friends ... Maybe she'll find music or another sport ... She just wants you to be proud of her.

Most importantly for the next 5 years; if you don't drink, you should probably start. ;)
"For the strength of the pack is the wolf, the strength of the wolf is the pack" Rudyard Kipling
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by tbjd33 » Sat Feb 11, 2017 8:24 am

End of the day the most important thing is the relationship we all have with our DD's. No matter the sport, life choice, or any god foresaken issue it's about family.

If that perspective is kept I feel atleast we can always get back to basics and know our role as a Father! Help her find her passion and hopefully she will want to come back to the great game of softball...

I can say 12 is a funny age... Each of my kids had a hiccup at that age with their sport. My DD I write about here wanted to cheer at 11/12. Couldn't believe she would potentially go from being cheered for to cheering for others. All I remember is those Pompoms didn't have a long life span. Got to let her make her choice and eventually she'll come to her senses...
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by Sam » Sun Feb 12, 2017 5:29 pm

Battle,

Why should the parents get credit for doing something they SHOULD DO ANYWAY. Are you saying that they would normally just force the kid to play year around? The problem is that a lot of kids feel this way but never tell their parents because they are terrried they wiki disappoint them. This kid had the guts to tell them the truth.
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