Cyber Bullying of athete

[MTR]

If the only thing your children had to worry about was what the "cool kids" thought about them, then they did not experience the kind of bullying that is described in these posts or any of the linked articles and books.

In their schools, the "cool kids" were the bullies and did not shy away from the designation.

This is not just about rejection from a social group. I'm glad your children were never the targets of true bullying, and it certainly sounds like they were not unless you have more details to add to prove otherwise. But don't minimize the effects of serious, long-term bullying and cyber-bulling based on your children's experiences.

Sorry, but to me "cyber" bullying is a non-starter. It reminds me of a bank teller who was robbed through a drive in or people who complain about what is in a movie, on TV or radio. TURN OFF THE PHONE! BLOCK A NUMBER! CHANGE A NUMBER! BLOCK A SCREEN NAME!

Should you have to go through that? Hell, no, but it beats whining in a public forum.

[coolstuff]

In their schools, the "cool kids" were the bullies and did not shy away from the designation.

You still are not forthcoming on what this "bullying" entailed. A few snide remarks in the hallway? Exclusion from the "group"? That isn't what we're talking about here. We're talking about systematic harrassment and emotional abuse.

Sorry, but to me "cyber" bullying is a non-starter. It reminds me of a bank teller who was robbed through a drive in or people who complain about what is in a movie, on TV or radio. TURN OFF THE PHONE! BLOCK A NUMBER! CHANGE A NUMBER! BLOCK A SCREEN NAME!

Should you have to go through that? Hell, no, but it beats whining in a public forum.

OK, what would you do if one of your daughter's "friends" found out what her IM password was (maybe someone saw her type it when they were together at a computer and gave out the password) and later, the "friend" goes on IM masquerading as your daughter. The "friend' taunts another student, who thinks it's YOUR daughter who is doing the taunting. When you daughter shows up at school the next day, she gets punched in the face for something she didn't do.

So, in your parenting philosophy, you tell your daughter with the black eye to tell the principal, shake it off, block the screen name, suck it up, hey it's nothing really?

(This is a true account of an incident involving a friend of my oldest daughter, who was complicit in this because she was the one who discovered the password and told someone else.)

I really feel sorry for your children.

[Demonboy]

In their schools, the "cool kids" were the bullies and did not shy away from the designation.

You still are not forthcoming on what this "bullying" entailed. A few snide remarks in the hallway? Exclusion from the "group"? That isn't what we're talking about here. We're talking about systematic harrassment and emotional abuse.

Sorry, but to me "cyber" bullying is a non-starter. It reminds me of a bank teller who was robbed through a drive in or people who complain about what is in a movie, on TV or radio. TURN OFF THE PHONE! BLOCK A NUMBER! CHANGE A NUMBER! BLOCK A SCREEN NAME!

Should you have to go through that? Hell, no, but it beats whining in a public forum.

OK, what would you do if one of your daughter's "friends" found out what her IM password was (maybe someone saw her type it when they were together at a computer and gave out the password) and later, the "friend" goes on IM masquerading as your daughter. The "friend' taunts another student, who thinks it's YOUR daughter who is doing the taunting. When you daughter shows up at school the next day, she gets punched in the face for something she didn't do.

So, in your parenting philosophy, you tell your daughter with the black eye to tell the principal, shake it off, block the screen name, suck it up, hey it's nothing really?

(This is a true account of an incident involving a friend of my oldest daughter, who was complicit in this because she was the one who discovered the password and told someone else.)

I really feel sorry for your children.

This is solved before the incident ever happens. If a kid lacks enough common sense to warrant instant messaging/myspace privledges, she doesn't get them (sorry, an incident like this rarely happens without SOME compliance via stupid actions on the part of the victim).

[dittoz]

Not for a moment do I dispute that this is going on and with the 7th and 8th grade girls I coach, I see them trying to do things that as boys, we would never have dreamed up.

HOWEVER...

Finding out someone's IM password?
Text Messaging?
eMails?

My wife and I are part of an apparently tiny (and increasingly shrinking) group of parents that do not feel the need for our kids to sit on the computer all day or own cell phones at all. She is 12 yrs old and if she needs to make a call, she gets up off her tiny bee-hind and walks over and picks up the cordless phone and places a call. Text messaging? What in thee h*** for??? MySpace? NOT! She uses the computer for schoolwork and to stay in touch with out-of-town family, not to communicate with the friends she sees every day. I know because I monitor what the kids do on MY computer. If she wants to talk to or see a friend, she goes outside and talks to them. If they're too far away, she waits until school tomorrow or uses a real telephone.

My point here is that with all of today's "need" for cell phones and internet, parents seem to feel relieved of the responsibility to control and be involved in what their kids are doing. It's unfortunate because as the parent of a "bullied" kid, one cannot tell other parents what to do and their kids will circulate messages via text, email and whatever other online methods there are. None have the guts to have face-to-face conversations anymore. The whole thing rather reminds me of JoeBad who is safe and secure in his pool hall in Kansas (or wherever) typing out his hateful messages with no fear of physical retribution. If anyone were in front of him, I'm quite sure he would NEVER say the things he does or he'd become one with the floor very quickly.

In the last 10 years, bullying has proliferated just as fast as MySpace and cell phones. The correlation is quite clear, and there is one very real problem that continues - parents just don't parent their kids the way they used to and this is one of the results.

[Demonboy]

In my teens the "Myspace" and cell phone was a television and my own phone line in my room just like many of us that grew up in the late 70's early 80's. Parents haven't changed as much as the technology has. People tend to look at the past through rose colored glasses.

I do agree with most of your other points.

[Judd]

My DD has gotten a couple of threats from the same girl on myspace. I knew it was a 11/12 y/o girl but my first instinct was I will slap the... nevermind, I came back to earth and realized it was a young girl. We have the pw for her account and check it. We monitored it and and it was just two messages. I told my DD one more inkling of an issue and I am going to the school and find out who her parents are. The message was something like ".... and you shouldnt say that if you cant fight"

Girls are very clicky and they have their circles. They get real emotional and now a days, anything is possible. Some boy got arrested a few weeks ago for having a gun.

I am thinking of cancelling the myspace account. Some of the girls are out of control. You should see the message sent tonight.

[coolstuff]

This is solved before the incident ever happens. If a kid lacks enough common sense to warrant instant messaging/myspace privledges, she doesn't get them (sorry, an incident like this rarely happens without SOME compliance via stupid actions on the part of the victim).

My daughter exhibited all kinds of common sense before this happened. I even had parental controls on the computer to safeguard her. But kids are kids, she made a mistake, and she learned from it. Can you guarantee that child who demonstrates common sense and good judgement, will ALWAYS show common sense or good judgement? They're kids and sometimes they will make mistakes but we have to trust them anyway. Such is the dilemma of parenting.

[coolstuff]

My wife and I are part of an apparently tiny (and increasingly shrinking) group of parents that do not feel the need for our kids to sit on the computer all day or own cell phones at all.

I agree with you dittoz. My oldest daughter who learned the dangers of IMing the hard way, now spends very little time on a computer and it is by her choice, not because of any rules I've laid down. She's 15 going on 16 and more interested in getting her first car and first job. My 14 yr. old is now the one spending all the time on the computer, but I think she too will one day get bored with it and move on. (BTW - new sign-ups on MySpace are dropping. Apparently the fad is fading.)

Neither of my daughters have their own cell phones - at the moment. We have a "spare" phone they can use if we anticipate they will need it. Text messaging is disabled on all our cell phones except the one I use for work. My oldest will get her cell phone along with her first car in case of emergencies, but she is also free to use it for other things. (I'll be disabling the texting on that too).

[coolstuff]

In my teens the "Myspace" and cell phone was a television and my own phone line in my room just like many of us that grew up in the late 70's early 80's. Parents haven't changed as much as the technology has. People tend to look at the past through rose colored glasses.

I do agree with most of your other points.

PERFECT point, DB! I spent HOURS on the phone in my bedroom.

[dittoz]

As did I - but when you're talking on the phone, it takes significantly more guts than when you're typing messages or emails.

Once again, it's the ability to hide and pretend to be big and/or tough that I think helps these little instigators craft their dirty deeds.